Wednesday, 8 February 2012


You loved her, not me.
Why can’t I realize that you never loved me? Why should I still keep hopes in my heart and my head? Why? Why? Why?
Tell me why?
No one can tell me why. And when know that I suffer a lot because I have to keep this and hide that, they’ll say that I am a fool. A fool is only for them that never see the positive expectations. They’ll always judge me. Some are good and most are of course badly.
People said that you never loved me, but I believe that maybe later you’ll lose me and realize how big my love for you.
Loving you, was the hardest feelings to rub it from the heart, it was too hard for me to stand up and keep going no matter what happened.
I fight for you, I hide from you, I keep it far away from you, and I deny it only for you. And it’s all about you.
You never realize how was my condition when I have to face the reality. There, you’re sitting with your friends and I’m here with a girl that always kept me stronger while I see you burning me. You burned me from the inside till my outside has gone.
Sometimes I have to face how fake you were to me. Sometimes I have to start my fight from the beginning again and again. I have to fight the emotional battles that are hidden and unseen. I started to keep silence. I never told anything to someone else about my feelings. I started to hide my tears at the midnight. I hide all the stuffs that I made it for you. I know that my friends actually know how my falls was. I was weak, lighful of emotions, and never laugh loudly as usual. The days are roaming and roaming, yet so many randomness hits me.
How tired to be me here?
Tell me how thug will you be if you were the one that have the main role there? How strong can you be there? Whenever the wind blows you have to keep yourself standing up in the right position and give a huge fake smile?
I act like I am okay. I have to act for a long time to keep away my tears. To give a fake smiling to everyone around me. School was my priority, since I met you and realized my feelings... all changes into something that looks rough, and a big thing that can hit me for several times.
I allow you to hurt me now or may till the rest of my life, but if you lose me and realize that I’ll always love you. Don’t ever feel like sorry to tell me. I know that you were the one that I believed will own my heart. But if it wasn’t right then, I can’t be with someone else. I better live my own life and work hard and harder to make proud of my beloved parents.
I better sacrifice my own life, rather than screwing people like you in my life. You had thought me how to stand up from my falls, but now... I can’t lie that I’m starting to fall apart.
I hoped the hopeless and I wished for something that will never ever become real in the life.

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