Wednesday, 10 August 2011

ME + YOU and these all

only 1 thing now that i really want to tell you about...

How do you feel when your own bestszies is loving his
 girlfriend and don't realize that you love him? 
it makes you happy when you see him smiling at you and makes you more loving him. but when he goes with his girlfriend flirting so sweetly in front of you, how do you give a smile to him again at the same time he's hurting you? have he thought something about you? something more than only just being his BESTIES ??

why its so much hard to say no don't go with her but please be with me ? 
why its so difficult to leave you ? why I'm so fooled by my feelings for you? why did i sacrificed a lot and i keep promises of all what you want?
is it hard for you to get it? that i gotta feelings on you? don't you realize it? or you just seem to be fool? 
yeah you're right!!! we're only best friends! we couldn't be that easy to be in a relationship!

well, that's my feelings that i still keep it in a silent mode to my leadership to my own bestiesz. i cant lie that i still got some randomness feelings over my heart. i cant lie that i feel jealousy while you touched your girlfriend. i cant hide from you all the time. but i have to keep it mine! only mine! 
i don't want you to destroy our friendship by making me in an emotional feelings! cause that's the first reason of why i could be so sad, angry, tearing, go away from you my best friend.
you will never ever get it. you don't get it, you will never understand me in a whole side. you're only a best friend! that's all! 
but why you keep me in some crazy acts of yours? you made me drowning down to my own emotion. but i couldn't tell you how i felt when you're not close to me. when you don't reply my chats, my textins, my calls, my everything to only tell you important things. to tell you that I'm sorry for not attending the school today. not coming to be the girl that keeps her eyes open to look at you. to look at your smile. your laughs. your anger.

i don't know what happened between us yesterday. you don't want to listen at me. to hear what i was going to explain to you. i do all my best to only make your marks higher. i did my best to keep your name clean from the dusts. i kept all this inside of me. kept all my hurts and tearing by my own if there's no one like Dayeng that knows everything between me and you. that could see the reality of us. when you sit close to me i felt warm. i felt that we're one. but when you saw your girlfriend going upstairs you straight skipped away from me to only be her side that maybe cant understand you as i do.
actually who is me to control you? why i am so stupid to believe in you! to care about you?
am i too bad for being your girlfriend?
i think yes?! but i don't have any clue.. there's no right for us to be one.

honestly whenever some one is cheering me up i keep smiling and seems to be like a girl that's thinking of something, wondering about her charming prince to come to her and tell her " ILOVEYOU " "BE MY GIRL TILL THE END OF OUR LIFE" and I'll say " YES SURE! " this is what i had been hoping for! I'll be waiting for my prince to come to hug me to tell me that he's really fallin to me. falling all his feelings for me. spreads me everyday with a huge big smile that no one had seen it before. I'll keep my feelings my bestyz. i promise that, no matter what happens. but i do really hope to be yours...

I'm not a destroyer of a friendship that i had survived to built it, no one could destroy our friendship, its a friendship everlasting. even this feelings that are killing me inside in a slowly deeply way but sure... 

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